Monthly Archives: October 2006

Something else I am struggling with at the moment is massive amounts of guilt…   I feel so guilty that Im not able to be a perfect mother when my children are here with me… I only see them for … Continue reading →

I dont want a name…   Im not ‘Jade’… She is so much more in control and ‘normal’ and she gets things right… And thats certainly none of what I am right now…   Im not ‘Alisa’… Although there is a part … Continue reading →

Days (at least) of aggitation and a general feeling of contamination resulting in the desire to wash feverishly and incessantly and to put a complete stop to anything resembling food or medication from entering my body have finally alerted me … Continue reading →

Time and time and time again I keep coming back to this journal in the hope that I might finally find a way to claw my way back to a better place…   But it seems that no matter what … Continue reading →

Claire is with me today, but not in any of the ways that count…   And later, Sarah will be here too… But just like her little sister; not in any of the ways that count… For the rest of … Continue reading →

A feeling of detachment and unreality is contaminating everything in my life right now…   From one moment to the next I am never sure of who I will be or how I will be feeling… Or not feeling… The cold … Continue reading →

Last night I felt as though I was right on the verge of two complete polar opposites…   I felt as though I was losing my mind… And yet at the same time, I heard myself speaking words that were … Continue reading →

Hey… Thankyou for your lovely words… And for caring so much… I dont know how to find my way back to where I was… I feel so lost right now… And worse than that, I feel like a complete fraud as … Continue reading →

There are some things in this life that just dont change…   I am one of them… All of the fighting… All of the surviving no matter what… Everything… Its all just an illusion… In reality, we are all on … Continue reading →

I feel a lot of shame whenever I feel I need something…   Until last night, I was willing to keep that private… I would even go as far as to say that to a certain extent, I was rendered mute … Continue reading →