Somebody… HELP ME!

Last night I didnt have a single nightmare…

And that was because I didnt sleep… And not sleeping was the direct result of what is currently going on with him in my life!

This simply cant go on…

I have my girls coming to stay with me for four days this weekend… And while I cant wait, I also have no idea of how I am going to cope on no sleep and so much bloody stress and anxiety… Not to mention having to find a way to keep things relaxed and normal around them with him around! I never know who I am going to get; the wonderful family-friendly guy or the jealous sulky passive-aggressive two-year-old… I wont allow him to steal my time and attention from them either directly (via confrontations in front of the girls or in private while I am meant to be spending time with them), or indirectly (because Im so stressed out)… So what the hell do I do? (Being that sending him away doesnt work – the text messages keep coming anyway – and his unexpected absence only serves to worry the girls as well)…

And on top of everything else, I need to be on top of my game so I can work because the bills NEVER stop coming in and I just dont have the money to pay them… I dont have anything left for anyone right now and all I have everywhere I look are more and more demands… Well the only ones with the right to demand anything from me are my precious girls! Not him… Not work… Not anyone or anything else! Yet that is all there is all around me right now… FUCKING DEMANDS!

*screams*:  LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE ALL OF YOU! Let me breathe… Let me think… Let me live! Let me just be a mother to my babies… Stop trying to own and possess me ALL OF YOU! Im MINE! I belong to ME (and to my girls)! NOT TO A SINGLE ONE OF YOU! DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?! I DONT BELONG TO ANY OF YOU!

*continues to scream*:  Now get your hands and your thoughts OFF OF ME!

Current Mood:  I cant breathe… I cant move… I cant think… I cant escape… Im drowning! PLEASE… SOMEBODY… HELP ME!
Current Music:  Screaming inside as I try to escape the inescapeable… Screaming that is muted by the smothered paralysis of the sleeping body and by everyone around me’s refusal to listen or to take action on my behalf… I am so alone here and nobody is on my side… Please… Somebody help me!