Monthly Archives: January 2008

Awaiting the inevitable…   What is love?   Well, I can tell you this: Its sure as hell not what I have always believed it is…   No-one in this world who knows me in any real way on a … Continue reading →

Waking up today has felt like waking up from a nightmare that feels like it has been going on forever…   Im not really sure what has prompted this, at least partial, lucidity… It could be the conversation Peter and … Continue reading →

Another meltdown, more pain and anguish, violent wars raging on the inside tearing me apart, and I find myself here again…   Im exhausted…   Verbally at least, my fears have been allayed regarding Peter abandoning me at the hospital … Continue reading →

I feel like I am being shut out of everything at the moment…   And I feel like people who pretend I can trust them are lying to me and believing I am stupid enough to believe them… Well I … Continue reading →

The baby I aborted almost 3 years ago now, is never far from my thoughts…   And this afternoon, I had a dream so vivid and terrifying that I woke up screaming… I dreamed that I had aborted the baby and … Continue reading →

I dont know what to think…   I know what I am hoping I should be thinking… But I am afraid to get my hopes up…   He touched me… He is still touching me… At least I hope thats what … Continue reading →

I feel so lonely right now…   I am laying naked in bed next to the man I love and there is a cool breeze blowing over both of us from the fan that is sitting at the end of … Continue reading →

It would seem that Peter and I are at an impass…   I am not denying that I love Him… Of course I still do… But how do you make a relationship work without ultimate trust? Especially the kind of … Continue reading →

Last night I lost something irreplaceable…   Peter went behind my back and called the police and an ambulance to forcibly take me to hospital… And then He just left me there… He promised He would never do that… And … Continue reading →

I honestly dont know what is more frightening…   Thinking you know what is going on when you really dont… Or the realisation that hits in a moment of lucidity some time after its all over, when its simply too … Continue reading →