By watching instead of just experiencing (which I have done before but with varying degrees of what I would consider success), I was able to see things the way they are so much more clearly than ever before… Couple that with knowledge I already had but somehow hadnt yet managed to apply to the situation I am in and it spells my possible final freedom from something I never believed I would truly escape…
An emotional stronghold this person had over me has been broken in a way that I dont believe I could repair even if I wanted to (which I dont)…
So now all that is left for me to do is to decide how I want to deal with the situation… Do I deal with it the mature way and deny myself a long-held and much deserved rather dramatic closure/public shaming/calling to account? Not to mention, then having to live with yet another very, very bad time in my life, at the hands of someone who abused me so badly and for so long, being kept quiet and secret… Or do I decide on the much more satisfying, yet honestly beneath me (because Im so much classier than that) way of dealing with things, and get that gratification, but feel less of a person because of it? (Even though I wouldnt have done anything that in any way brought me down to this person’s level to achieve it… But lets face it, there is still a huge difference between ‘not doing anything wrong’ and ‘taking the high road’ (which is the road I almost always choose without fail))…
Either way, I lose on some level…
Its now a question of what is more important to me… Or… Can I have both??
Current Mood: Determined… Clear… Angry, but not consumed by it, instead, motivated by it and focussed…
Current Music: Very literal, quite loud, ringing in my ears, which has become the normal ‘soundtrack’ accompanying the migraines and headaches I have been experiencing every night (and most days) of late…
Girl Without A Name: The story of a life of hope a 
Well……Big Sigh! Im confused….. Hope u r smiling! x