Get out!!!!

You fucking want to play games with me boy?!

LETS PLAY!!!!

Pigs arse you dont obsessively troll my journal sites (and any other site you know I am on or that you think I may be on) looking for every tiny scrap of information you can possibly find! Bullshit you dont expect me to explain and justify anything and everything I say or do in here! Whether that be what I write, photos I publish, or messages people send me (which helloooo! I have no control over!!!!) Tell me, how fucking hard was it for you to keep quiet since the second my last entry was published?! Was it killing you inside?! And when you finally broke and confronted and grilled me as gently as you possibly could, when you thought I was so overwhelmed with stress that I wouldnt notice, and you still got no information… What then? Did it make you feel like you were going NUTS inside?!

Ever since we met almost a year ago, I have allowed how YOU feel to come before the sanctity of MY thoughts and feelings on MY private journal… Ive allowed that to come before the only safe place I have to go to fight for my sanity! That was a huge mistake! When you asked me not to write about my feelings about you and our relationship, I respected that… Even though they were MY feelings about something going on in MY life… Not anything that would infringe on YOUR privacy!!!! Then when you behaved as though it was your RIGHT to INTERROGATE me on whatever you read in my journal, I STUPIDLY LET YOU GET AWAY WITH IT! Again, what a huge mistake! I cant believe I let you do that!

And do you know WHY its such a huge mistake?!

Because this is MY FUCKING JOURNAL! Because they are MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS! Because this is MY SACRED SPACE! This is where I come to sort out how I feel… This is MY PLACE! *Screams in pain and fury*… ITS MINE!!!! Do you HEAR ME?! ITS FUCKING MINE!!!!

So get the fuck out of my sacred space! Dont you dare come in here anymore! I trusted you when I let you into my heart and into my life! I gave you everything you demanded of me! I gave you all I had! And this is how you reward such love and trust?! You call me to account for every tiny thought and feeling I have ever had, even when it had nothing to do with you?! And then you dare to not believe the explaination you are given and you punish me for your disbelief and your distrust and your insecurity?! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!

The only people who are welcome in here are those who abide by the RULES! Those who would never do what you have done!

And dont you dare ask me if I am referring to you or to someone else! You know exactly who you are! Asking will only insult us both and result in me screaming at you!

Oh and another thing… Dont you dare try and twist this around emotionally to make this all about YOU!

I cant believe Ive lost almost a whole year in this journal!

Current Mood:  Enraged at both myself (for being so niave, so trusting, and so stupid), and at him (for daring to do what he has done)…
Current Music:  Screaming rage inside that refuses to be stuffed back down this time…